if you like me you must not know who I am
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
