what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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