I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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