Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i think i have two assholes
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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