yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize
