Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
