saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
