is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize