Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
