It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I need to calm my uterus...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
