Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
