dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
