i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
