And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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