Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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