they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
