the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
