How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize