Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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