Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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