the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
