i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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