So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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