Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
