i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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