He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
