"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize