Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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