She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
