My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
