shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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