Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
