Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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