There was a lot of him and a little penis
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
