SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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