The maid of honor just puked.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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