So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
