HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
