my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
