think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
