so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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