Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
