Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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