I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
