i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
