I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
