And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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