Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you have to choose: penises or morals?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
