I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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