I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
