I hate all girls vehemently.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
