New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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