my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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