i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
