I want to have your abortion
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
