i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
