I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
