I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
