my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize