Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
