I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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