We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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