The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize