I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
