im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I have aggressive nipples.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize