I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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