there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
