If that was your dad, he is hot
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
