I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
