Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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