i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
