she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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