Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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